I am sitting here at my desk surrounded by boxes. In fact, there are boxes packed all over the house in preparation for a new undertaking. We’re selling our home. In just a couple of weeks the deal will be sealed. Our home will belong to someone else and any days that we remain after that will be money in the new owners pocket because we’ll be paying rent.
It’s all just a little surreal. We will miss our little town of Flushing where we have lived for over 30 years. We won’t be homeless though, because we have another house in the works. Before we know it we’ll have new digs in Grand Blanc! By “we ” I mean Stan and I, Brenda and Scott (my sister and brother in law) and my mom and dad. We’ve taken a big step and decided to purchase a home together to watch over and care for mom and dad because… things change. Life takes new twists and turns, and we are about to go around a corner.
In 2013 Mom had a stroke and she and dad moved from Arkansas to Michigan so that we could help Dad care for her. Things have been fairly uneventful until this past winter when Dad was diagnosed with early stage dementia. As the future unfolds Dad will not be able to care for Mom like he has been. Not only that, but he will increasingly need care as well.
Dad has done a great job loving and caring for Mom over the past eight years. After years of Mom “taking care” of Dad, it was a dramatic shift for Dad to be Mom’s caregiver following her stroke. And making that kind of shift is not easy. Having a stroke that disables you is no picnic either!
I can clearly see that God has taught them both how to love better. Actually, these last several years have taught all of us how to love better. To love with more compassion. To persevere in love even when we’ve wanted to cut and run. God has taught us that in order to live out love His way we often have to surrender our own wants and desires, which is an ongoing lesson. God has shown us that love sometimes feels heavy, but that He is next to us under the weight; walking with us so that we won’t be crushed.
It hasn’t been all “lessons” though. In the work of it all, God has blessed us in so many ways. We have shared laughter, tears, joy, and pain. We have come to know our parents in ways that many never get a chance. But honestly, I believe that our biggest blessing won’t be realized until we are looking backward in time. We won’t fully see it until this part of our journey is over. And in my experience, “backward” blessings are often the most treasured.
Many of our peers have taken a similar journey- this journey of caring for aging parents. For lots of different reasons we don’t, and can’t, all provide care the in same way. But regardless of how we do it, those of us giving care have one thing in common. Love.
All of my siblings believe that we have made the best choice for our family. We feel fortunate to be able to care for our parents in the way we are about to undertake. So as we make our way to our new 10 acre haven we look forward to a time of blessed service as we continue to be “Gracenaries” to our awesome mom and dad. Why?…
…because “backward” blessings are treasured.
Thank you sister! I’m sitting in my car waiting for my appointment with the cardiologist, balling like a baby after reading this article. I have not once, regretted the time spent caring for Mom and Dad. Yes, the blessings are going to be treasures as time goes by. I love you, Brenda and Mark. We’ve got this because God is our stronghold.
That’s beautiful Lori! Our prayers are with you and Brenda and your spouses as you care for our precious Uncle and Aunt. We love your family so much!! Thanks you and God bless each of you.
You are all beautiful people. Thank you for the love you have for my aunt and uncle. My mama would be so proud of you. I’ll never forget J Y and Esther taking my mama out to Catfish King, even though she never did get to eat before her stroke hit her. I will always love them for their help with her. I know it’s hard but I’m glad you still have your parents to love on. Love you all.
Lori, you are so right about backward blessings. I love 1 Cor.13 and it’s description of love. How God loves. Trying to live out that chapter of Gods word is challenging at best. It comes with joy, tears, fear and a whole list of other things. Trusting and leaning on Him and letting Him live through us is the only way we can do this journey we call life. I know this journey won’t be perfect but I know through Him it will be filled with love. His love through us
I will be praying for you all. This is a huge sacrifice and it is not always easy. We moved Dale’s Mom from Seattle 3 years ago to live with us. I have a lot of health issues myself but out of love for his Mom and for Dale, I take care of her every day.